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We had a visiting cat in our home for a few weeks before it moved to its new digs.

As I opened another teeny tin of cat food for the fine feline, I happened to look at the can's label.

"Savory Hunter's Stew with Venison," the label read.

I inspected another can.

"Lamb and Kidney Stew."

I peered at a third can.

"Savory Hunter's Stew with Duck."

A 40-watt bulb clicked on in my head:

"This danged cat is eating better than I am!"

I spooned half a can of "Savory Hunter's Stew with Venison" into a small dish and set it before the cat.

I'll admit the food's scent was appetizing.

Though the stew-and-venison itself seemed to be of a certain stewish color that wasn't all that delicious looking.

I got to thinking about the last time I had hunter's stew, if ever. Or venison.

The 40-watt bulb lit up again.

I remembered having hunter's stew in a poshy restaurant on a special occasion.

Venison? Once I had some at a family reunion on the Montana-North Dakota border, on a ranch.

The elk or moose or whatever had been shot on a recent hunting trip. Yummy!

Have I ever had duck? I've seen it on menus. I don't recall it being served in any house that housed family members.

Lamb and kidneys? Are you kidney? Make that kidding. These foods are even more foreign than duck and venison in most kitchens I have known.

You wonder if this visiting cat has a preference: Hunter's Stew with Duck over Hunter's Stew with Venison.

Or would it rather have lamb without the kidneys or the kidneys without the lamb?

As I opened can after can, day after day, I discerned no favorites. The cat would eat anything willingly, if it came from a can and was not crunchy stuff from a box.

You know cats. So I also served from the left. And decanted the wine carefully. I'm lying about the wine.

Since cats can't read (not that I know of, because cats don't reveal everything they know) the cat food labels must be meant to lure human beings into buying this particular brand and type of cat food over all others.

So you ask why buy cat food at all? Let the cat fend for itself.

Hey, I like neighborhood birds as well as anyone.

I'd rather feed filet mignon to the cat if necessary, to keep it away from the robins and blue jays and starlings.

Pigeons? Let me think about that.

Besides, lots of house cats think they are 500-pound gorillas who can do anything.

What would happen if this particular cat met a bunch of crows.

If the crows landed en masse, who knows if this cat would emerge triumphant or even find safety under a nearby porch?

So the gourmet cat food caravan continuously flowed into the cat's dish, each can adorned with maddeningly delicious hints of what was inside.

Here's your Hunter's Stew, cat.

Do you mind if I watch you eat it while I chew my tasteless breakfast food?

Thanks, I needed that.

# posted by Medical Information : 2:49 AM